Thursday, July 12, 2007

The stories we tell

There are untruths I tell on the phone. I'm never from where I am actually from. New York, Dallas, Seattle....these are my adopted homes. I give out locations based on where the guy is from.

Sometimes I'm an asian girl. This week, a guy, after I introduced myself, said "You're a black girl, aren't you" in that way that I could tell that he was really hoping I would say "yes I am".

"Of course, baby! How did you know!" was my response.

"I could just tell", he answered. We left it at that.

Normally, these lies just roll off my tongue and into my wallet. My job is one of mind reader and psychologist. One of actress and often, one of a con artist. Rarely though do i have to outright lie about who I am on the inside. I pull from whatever small clues I can pick up. A guy mentions he likes basketball? I'll bring up the recent playoffs. One of my regulars really likes fishing so I'll pull from memories of fishing with my dad off the piers in Padre Island.

Today, though, I had little to pull from in what might end up being my most difficult con ever.

First, I'm a Jew. Second? I would probably be considered a "liberal". I protested the war and continue to do so. I count the days that GW has left in the white house.

So when talking to some 21 year old from Wisconsin who thinks I live in New York city, I was a little unsure of how to respond to his comment "I sure am glad we had a president like Bush on 9/11". I tried not to laugh.

It has never been more evident to me that my job is one where I have to be someone else. I have to be what the guy wants. I responded with a shaky "yeah...me too".

"Yeah. 'Cos he's a Christian. I'm a Christian too", he continued.

I told him I was Lutheran. Seems like the most agreeable of the Christian denominations I know. I listen to Prairie Home Companion. The Lutherans seem nice.

"I'm an evangelical". It keeps getting better. "I go to Frontier School of the bible" which sounds...lovely...I'm sure.

The next 8 minutes is spent about his doing missionary work. I lied and told him I thought it was a great thing he was doing.

He ended up being a 22 minute call. The subject of sex never came up except for his mentioning that he is a lifeguard and he likes watching the girls. I'm sure thats a grave sin in someone's eyes. Gave him my character's extension for him to call back, just as I do with every caller. I wonder how many charges to phone sex lines he has on his credit card. Being a good missionary from Frontier School of the Bible must be difficult.

Labels: On The Job

Phonication 8:27 AM

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