Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Reader Question of the Day - The Lonliest Virgin

Do you know how many young adults are having sex? Are there any stats? I was wondering because I feel like I'm the only one sometimes who hasn't had sex. I'm a 23 year old male and I am still a virgin. But really, it's not a big deal for me. I'm just not up for trolling for chicks like they are. Is that weird? Is there something wrong with the fact that I'm not hooking up like all my friends are?

Even if you were the only 20-something not having sex, that wouldn't make you "weird". It would just mean that you were doing what felt right for you. People ultimately make their own choices based on many things, including privacy, opportunity, finding a caring partner, cultural or religious beliefs, and trust levels.

I found a study online called Using social norms theory to explain perceptions and sexual health behaviors of undergraduate college students: an exploratory study. published in 2005 which shows shows how college students' perceptions of their peers' sexual activity can be overestimated. The study, which asked questions about various "sexual behaviors," shows that while 80 percent of students had 0 or 1 sexual partner during the preceding year, only 22 percent of those students believed their fellow students had one or fewer partners. Students perceived their peers were more sexually active than they actually were. 59 percent of students reported having no sexual activity within the past month. What you think your friends are doing may be wildly different from what is actually going on.

Also,"hooking up" means different things to different people. One person's hook up may be a simple kiss. whereas someone else may think that everyone who "hooks up" is having intercourse. So what you think of when your friends say they "hooked up" may be very different from what actually happened.

About 6 years ago, there was a study from the Foundation for Academic Standards & Tradition (FAST), a nonprofit student advocacy organization, where college students were asked, "Are you sexually active?" 56 percent of the students replied "yes". 40 percent said they were not. Of the students who answered "yes," 8 percent said that they had not had sex during the preceding semester. The survey, however, did not define "sexually active." Some took "sexually active" to mean, "having sex on a regular basis" and some took it to mean "ever having had sex". Some took "sex" to mean intercourse and some just passionate kissing or foreplay.

But really, it doesn't matter what others are doing and how often and with who. It is important to do what you feel comfortable with. Don't think you have to have sex just to catch up to your peers. You should be having sex, the kind that you want, when/because you want to, and not because of anybody else's behavior. Once you are ready or you find someone you connect with in that way, trust me, you'll know.

Labels: Advice

Phonication 8:07 PM

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

It's hard out here for a pimp

There is a lot of freedom that comes with my job. My schedule is my own to make. There is a direct connection between how hard I work and how much I get paid, which is something I was never able to say during my work history. I'd get paid an hourly wage, which was the same hourly wage for the stoner who'd sneak out for 2 hour lunches to get high and play hacky sack. They money is decent for what I do.

But there are times when logging onto the phone is the last thing I want to do. After the first call of the day comes in, that bit of anxiety and dread generally subsides. My callers are, for the most part, pretty nice. They enjoy a bit of conversation - where they are from, what they do for a living, how their favourite sports team is doing - before we get to anything sexual. But sometimes...sometimes you get that caller that makes you want to do nothing more than log out of the phone and watch reruns of Golden Girls for the rest of the afternoon.

I have this caller who has decided to make me his regular. We'll call him Bob. Bob lives in middle America. 50-something. Divorced. What he calls for? Is to talk about way's he'd like to get back at his ex-wife by sexually humiliating her.

I have taken my share of domme calls. I enjoy them. It allows me to act out in a way my normally strong but sweet, sensitive nature needs. Humiliation calls are par for the course. Different people need different things to get their ya-yas off and I am never one to judge as long as no one is hurt.

But the way that Bob talked about his ex-wife just hit me in the wrong way. It was not so much about sexual gratification as it was about revenge. I managed to stay in character the whole time. Joined in with the agreement about what a horrible person his ex-wife is. Joined in through gritted teeth and my head hung low.

The first call lasted 22 minutes. The 2nd, a few days later lasted 19. Good paying calls, but sometimes that money just isn't enough.

Labels: On The Job

Phonication 10:48 AM

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